time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
