eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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