my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize