Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
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what day is it and did you see me today?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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