I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
