i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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