I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
