You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
