We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
