I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
All of them.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Dating After Heartbreak
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting