Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize