I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
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We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
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Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men