I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons