Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Hippo gnu deer
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
