well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
