I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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