So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
