im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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