Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize