I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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