Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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