He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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