he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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