why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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