It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
