I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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