in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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