i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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