What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
