At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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