I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
