fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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