We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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