Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
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