How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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