maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
