the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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