Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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