Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
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