Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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