and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror