somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??