ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay