i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish