Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.