i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively