if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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