I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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