thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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