Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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