Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
