Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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