I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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