I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
