Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
