maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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