Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
