What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
