More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My cat gives me a boner
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
