Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
