We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
