i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
