Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize