Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
