I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.