I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.