Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
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she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
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How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.