stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.