Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
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she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
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I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.