so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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