If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The air was thick with penises
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
